Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I WILL SLAP THE SHIT OUTTA YOU



Is there anything funnier than somebody getting slapped?

I don't think there is.

Think about it, if you went outside and saw a nigga get THE SHIT slapped out of his ass by his girl, you'd crack the fuck up.

If you've got a brother or sister, wasn't shit funnier than seeing Moms pop them in the mouth, jaw or forehead, was it? You can't even do that shit to your kids nowadays -- aint that fucked up? That's why these lil' fuckers are crazy as hell now...

But, I digress.

Anyway, the slap is an underappreciated form of expression. It's usually your first instinct when somebody pisses you off; and if you act on that instinct, everyone who witnesses it will be both amazed at your brazenness and amused by the swelling of the recipient's right and/or left cheek(s). Plus, it's authoritative. You do somethin' wrong and Mama slaps you, I bet you won't do that shit again.

Entertaining and functional? How can you not love it?

To further exhibit my affinity for the almighty slap -- and to prove to you naysayers how funny a slap is -- I'm 'bout to slap yo' stankin' ass in the face with a few slap videos. Now shut up and watch before I slap you:

This is a real-live "Slap-A-Bitch Contest". I bullshit you not.



Here's ya man Charlie muthafuckin' Murphy slappin'...


...And gettin' slapped. (Don't forget to get crunk.)



Now, in case you're unsure of how to properly lay that p-hand down on a muhfucka, let these whiteboys explain it to you. "Step in the square if you wanna do somethin'!!"

"It doesn't matter what you think!!"
Peace to jamvan2k!


Thank you for enjoying this piece of basically useless reading material. I think I'm gonna smoke one more time before bed.

Oh, and if you didn't think any of this was funny, I aint even gon' trip -- I'ma just call my lil' bodyguard. Don't even try talkin' shit, 'cause this lil' nigga don't play.




OFFICIAL POST SONG:

1 comment:

Heather said...

Hilarious, great column, look forward to more.