I'M TOO 'HOOD

You remember this guy? He's the only reason we still have an NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and probably one of the biggest fuckin' knuckleheads the league has ever seen.

I liked the nigga, though.

When Isaiah "J.R." Rider got drafted in '94 -- minutes after his name was called, no less -- he guaranteed that he'd win the Dunk Contest if he got in. Now, the only problem with sports guarantees is that if you don't do what you say, you end up looking like an asshole.

Fortunately for JR, he won just like he said he would.

Not only did he win, he unleashed a monster on the world called the East Bay Funk:


Now, JR didn't invent this dunk -- Orlando Woolridge put it between his legs first in '84 -- but his was much more memorable due to the whole atmosphere of the night. It seemed that dude had arrived.

Later, JR proved to be a promising 2-guard with good grips, a decent jumper, country hops and a power forward's physique; and provided a few memorable moments for the T-Wolves, including what will go down as one of the most impossible shots in basketball history:


His game was there, but nobody knew this nigga was really crazy and deranged.

Well, that's probably an overstatement. Crazy is as crazy does, and everything this nigga JR did was just stupid.

This nigga was late to his VERY FIRST NBA practice as a rookie and to his first day of camp after being traded to the Hawks. This nigga assaulted some chick at a sports bar in Mall of America, smoked weed out of Coca-Cola cans in back alleys, got caught with burnout cellphones, plead guilty to cocaine possession, kicked a lady in the back at an autograph signing, caught a misdemeanor battery charge for fighting with his girl then caught a kidnapping charge after a beef with another broad.

Now, after completely fucking his career off, the nigga's up to the same ol' shit. Dude's facing grand theft auto charges now after getting pulled over in a stolen Monte Carlo -- and this only weeks after he got busted for possession and evading the cops.



The nigga's still fuckin' up. I mean, I appreciate a nigga who remains a nigga after touching money, but gotdamn! At some point, you've gotta realize that negritude is only cool to a certain extent.

At the end of the day, JR's contributions to the nation's crime rate will far outweigh his 15 minutes in the NBA. Perhaps that's rightfully so, but I'll never forget what that knucklehead muthafucka gave to the game (even though the NBA probably wishes I would).

Here are few more people that'll never forget:

LeBron


Vince


J. Rich


Gilbert (off the trampoline)